Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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