I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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