So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
