that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize