The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize