He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
