Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
