so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
