Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
