Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
