I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
