Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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