You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
