Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
