saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
