Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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