too bad you live with your parents still
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
