so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
