He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
