Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
