I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
