the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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