the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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