you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
