I wish my penis had an off switch
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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