Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
