Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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