I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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