someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
