U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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