I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
