there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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