Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
