Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
