nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
