i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
