I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
