I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he thought i was a dude.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
