Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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