I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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