we have pet lesbian snakes
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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