if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
