I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
