We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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