Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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