She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
