don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
