Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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