The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
