You can't motorboat a personality
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
