I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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