your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
