it wasn't lemon gatorade
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
