remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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