He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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