Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
