watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
