his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
