I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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