i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
