you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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