Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if only i could text you this smell
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
