so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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