I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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