just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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