I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
