Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
