3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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