your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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