aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
