Plan B is the new Plan A
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
