How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
