The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
