You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
