i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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