TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This is my gift to your gina
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize