I didn't shave. On purpose
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
