the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
